A manifestation of this instability

TEXT FRAGMENTS OF THE SOUNDPIECE

 

 

 

 

Wenn man den Raum um mich Europa nennt, dann…

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I live in Europe.

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I know that Europe is the name.

So it's really just a term that we use.

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If I have to locate in my body, somewhere in my legs, in the bottom part of my body.

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But like a buffer zone?

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because I am here with my body.

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breath

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So – and it's, as I feel now, everything is very unstable.

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breath

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And there are ….  common blind spots.

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breath

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So I came here because of him.

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so it was a really important period for my body, to be incorporated in European life. Then my body somehow was disattached from – what we called "European", or…

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Because, you know, you can imagine anything, but without a real situation…

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Also die Berührung durch den Stuhl ist für mich so viel stärker als die Berührung durch Europa.

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But also, from time to time afraid, because just now I realize that Europe is – could be – quite unpredictable…  

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Ich verstehe, glaube ich, so vieles überhaupt nicht, weil es mir körperlich auch nicht nah genug ist. Das ist halt so. 

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So sometimes, it's the stomach, sometimes heart, sometimes hands... it's changing all the time.

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What was the logic in all things?

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The things slow down.

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breath

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It sounds like a diagnosis – that being European, you are European forever.

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breath

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Und es geht voll eben auch um ungeschützte Körper. 

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And I feel my body as... you know, I feel now the territory of my country very much through my body. So – when everything is happening, I feel: my body reacts... That's a problem, actually. Because I need to do something with that – all the time.

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breath

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Being in Europe and being European is something which I take to carry with me all my life, breath  something which is very well known, but somehow it is hidden, mostly under clouds.

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breath

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I think I have a lot of blind spots.

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I think, at least it's good that we permanently change our perception.

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breath

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I don't know what is it: "Europe"? So, as I don't know, "what is it: Europe?", I don't know where it is in my body.

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maybe unconsciously

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The things slow down

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breath

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Also diese blinden Flecken gibt es.

Aber es ist mehr, weil es sich bewegt.

Dass die… dass das …leere Räume sind.

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At the moment I have to think…

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breath

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The melancholia I feel in my throat here, in this part of the body and in the upper part of my chest.

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Das ist für mich … Es ist nicht immer möglich.

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Because, you know, you can imagine anything, but without a real situation...

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breath

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I mean, we are not safe anymore.

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Through the eyes, you can see the changes on your skin, aging.

But also, that's the biggest organ that is receptive to light.

So that's maybe an interface with the external world.

So in a sense, a membrane.

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But like a buffer zone?

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Es gibt blinde Flecken…, die ich nicht genau verbinden kann. Die Linien, die ich nicht genau verbinden kann. 

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about other blind spots that I have for sure.

But they're so blind, that I don't even know about them.

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breath

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manchmal fühle ich mich total schnell.

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So it's like your body wants more and more and more and more and more.

And every little bit of your body wants more.

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I mean, that, you know, sometimes answers are a bit different than questions.

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But at the moment it’s just waiting.

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The unpredictable feeling is located somewhere here in my shoulders, yeah – I think is like something which is heavy-

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Der Körper erinnert sich daran.

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When I am concentrating on my work, I don't feel my body at all. That's the moment, when I would say: I feel good.

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Es fühlt sich so ein bisschen an, als würde ich ihn beobachten.

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breath

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Und die saßen auf ihren Taschen.

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breath

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And this is for me the first European experience in my lifetime. 

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Sometimes physically. I have a headache, maybe from this melancholia.

So that means, it is also in my head.

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breath

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So now – I'm thinking about all these terms, you know, and all these words…

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 But –  yeah – my body still keeps some more positive attitudes.

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breath

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Die Grenzen, die… ja. Aber welche sie sind, kann ich jetzt auch nicht so genau… sagen…

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But I think that boundaries are a bit more blurred.

So the blind spots would probably be: to deal with the present.

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And that's my body, that I'm living all the time, for all my life.

So what can I tell about countries?

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breath

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hmmm, yeah, I feel that I have no clear understanding about Europe…

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…well, Europe is a word, right. And all words have their meanings, but their meanings change all the time.

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Where I feel Europe in my body?

Perhaps shoulders? Shoulders, Yeah.

Feels like a weight.

A weight, that's on my shoulders, but also something that can be lifted up, perhaps.

And maybe this means that there is a sense of hope. That's part of it.

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because I am here with my body.

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Würde ich drunter stehen, würde ich es vielleicht sehen, aber … wenn ich es von vorne betrachte, fällt mir diese Räumlichkeit nicht auf.

Und dieser Raum kann sich definitiv schließen, indem die Formation sich wieder dreht oder sich dadurch füllen, indem es sich anders verteilt.

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So I don't really know the boundary of it

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Because there is no other buffer zone.

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Es ist nicht nur im Kopf gelandet.

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Also, ich finde, der Begriff europäisch ist irgendwie ein Kasten.

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breath

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because we lost the fragile yesterdays understanding of reality.

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Nein. Es gibt keinen Anfang und kein Ende.

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In such border areas I feel European

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And that's always, that's also about the body – because sometimes some parts are so broken, that you can't use it anymore that way, that you used to. Yeah, just because it's impossible.

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Ob mein Körper in Europa Spuren hinterlassen hat, vermag ich nicht so zu sagen.

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Eine Berührung ist es für mich nicht. Das ist eher so ein Bewusstsein.

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When you feel that a part of your body betrayed you...

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breath

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So, it was not very far, I didn't feel very far. But at the same time, like physically, in terms of physically, it was far at the same time.

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At the moment I have to think…

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breath

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Ich meine… – diese Verbindung zum Körper öffnet wirklich Worte in einem, die nicht nur intellektuell sind.

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Mostly in the middle part of my body

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But at the moment it's just waiting…

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Yeah, that's so complicated and variant.  And that's about opportunities.

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Das Mittelmeer ist klar. 

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But also, from time to time afraid, because just now I realize, that Europe is – could be – quite unpredictable...  

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Because there is no other buffer zone.

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I mean, we are not safe anymore.

Many thanks to all our interview partners and the speakers / actresses / actors for the great support: Mary Mariposa, Mareile Metzner, Patrick Khatami and Max Agne!!